They sat together in the kitchen store, behind the carton.
The girls waited,hearts pounding from fear. Nola controlled her fear by counting objects.
On the top shelf was the red cooler. She counted the numbers silently, suddenly Ure started fidgeting, tugging at her sleeves, whispering desperately, cockroach Nola, cockroach!
Ure jumped up with the intention of switching on the lights.
Suddenly, a blood curdling scream from the neighbours apartment stopped her in her tracks and sent her right back to Nola’s side.
The terrible screams abruptly stopped with sounds of rapid gun shots and footsteps heading towards their front door.
Powerful, Doris… Suspence-filled. Make the lines heavier with fear, so we get the picture at the back of our heads. I get the story. I felt the tension
Cascading, with lines wanting more imagery of tension. Nice idea tho.